Today has been especially challenging. My husband and I were supposed to get to pick up my nephew and keep him overnight. I called the baby's mom after lunch and of course, my brother had the child and had already started trouble. He was threatening, as he always does, not to return him to his mother. Not just because I wanted to bring him to my house for the night, but because he is controlling and possessive. He treats my nephew as a possession, or a pawn, that can be used in a variety of ways to manipulate and get his way. I am tired of it.
My nephew will be 3 in October. He is a precious gift from God and had a very rough start to his life. He was born with a rare disorder called spondylocostal dystosis. He has multiple rib and spinal deformities that caused respiratory issues throughout the 1st year of his life. He is doing very well now and will still have some surgeries in his future, but for now the doctors are amazed at his progress. He is a little miracle. So shouldn't we all do everything possible to give him the best chance at a normal life!??
The baby's mom makes mistakes sometimes, but overall, she has been a good little mom. She has dealt with many obstacles and has stood firm to provide for my nephew. She works hard and makes sure he gets to all his doctors' appointments all over the state. My brother, however, has not provided any kind of financial support and has "disappeared" many times to get his crack fix while the baby was hospitalized early on. The past 2 days he had my nephew in his "care", he spent making harassing phone calls to the mother every 5 minutes (if he waits that long), calling her every name in the book, and stalking her all over the city. All while my nephew is seated in the back seat of the truck! (which he is driving while his license is suspended)
If she doesn't answer the phone when he calls, he continues to call until she answers or he tracks her down and harasses her in person. You know, he was just released from the county jail last week after spending almost a month there. That was the most peaceful month we have all had in a long time! He appears to be more unstable than ever. I am so scared of what he might end up doing to get his way.
Today, I was talking to her on the phone and he kept calling. She ignored the calls, but eventually he showed up at her front door. He began screaming at her saying, "Why won't you answer your phone? I guess you don't want YOUR son back". She walked out to the truck to get him out of the car seat and my brother said, "no, now you aren't getting him, he wants to stay with me". She told me she started unfastening the seat belt and my brother put the truck in reverse and began backing up out of the driveway pretty fast. She had to jump up into the truck and she said, "what are you doing?" He kept screaming and then left with the baby again. She was able to finally track him down at my dad's house to pick up my nephew about an hour later. When she arrived, he started more trouble and even pushed her into the van. He wouldn't let her take the child from his arms, He put him in the car seat but then kept sitting there so she couldn't leave. My dad, (another long story), got involved and came out telling my brother to let her leave. More drama, more yelling, and she was finally able to leave with my nephew.
Today is not a rare occurrence. My brother is obsessive, controlling, and completely unstable. Along with the problems associated with his addictions, are issues from our childhood that he never dealt with. He thinks he is never at fault and can control people to get anything he wants. He is a liar and a manipulator. I haven't ever known him to have a healthy relationship with a woman yet. He is 34 years old and has absolutely nothing to show but a life of addictions, crime, and irresponsibility. And of course, it is everybody elses fault. Now it appears he has decided to pass on all the dysfunction to my beloved nephew. I fear that innocence will be destroyed by my brother's behavior. What kind of damage has already been done? I pray it isn't too late to undo the hurt.
My view is that the child's mother must completely sever all ties to my brother. If a DNA test and court order is the way to do that, then let's get it done. My nephew is too young to choose the people who have control of his life. That is why the adults have to do everything to protect this little guy. So far, I hear a lot of talk from the mother, but she has yet to follow through with it. Supposedly, they haven't been in a relationship for over a year, but she allows him too much access to their lives. I have prayed and cried, and sobbed much of today.
Lord, please protect my little nephew. Please prevent the evil ways of my brother from becoming a permanent part of his life. Please give his mother the strength to make the best choices for him.
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