A Challenging Day

Yesterday was a day filled with many challenges. I had a day off from work, but from the time I woke up until the time I went to bed, everyone seemed to "need" me to help them with their problems. Like I don't have enough of my own!

My brother, who has no transportation of his own, needed help moving a few items into his new place. No problem, that should only take a few minutes, right? With my brother it is never one request. He then asked if we could go to lunch. That sounded okay, we haven't been that close these last several years, and we should spend more time together. Then the next request: A police officer visited his new job looking for him, and he needed to go pay for some traffic tickets from 2 years ago! Okay, that shouldn't take too long, and I can be there to make sure he actually pays and is at least clear of warrants in one county! Yeah! So we make a trip to his work to get an advance on his check, to the bank to cash it, and to the municipal court to pay the tickets. The officer is there when we arrive. Apparently, there was more to it. Last month, my brother stole a firearm in another county to trade for drugs. He turned himself in and was bonded out the same day. A "trustworthy" person has to sign the bond and take responsibility for seeing to it that he appears at all the court dates, etc. The person who had signed it initially has removed their name from the bond. Even though the fees of $500 have been paid, the bond company had apparently revoked the bond because no one else had gone to put their signature on it.

(My husband and I decided long ago that we would never help my brother financially again, and this included signing any bonds because of the responsibilities that follow if he doesn't do what he is supposed to.)

So the officer arrested my brother anyway because of the stolen firearm and bond issues. He has been in jail many times, but I have never been present to see them take him away. It was really tough. He begged me again, to go sign on the bond so they would reinstate it. I told him, "we have already talked about this, I can't do it". He can be very persuasive or should I say manipulative. I called my husband crying and asked him what we should do. After a few phone calls, from my brother to me and me to my husband, my hubby told me the decision was mine and he would support me no matter what. I struggled with it most of the afternoon. Sure, my brother seems to be turning over a new leaf these last few weeks. He has a job; he has a place to live of his own; he paid his own bond and a few tickets. Are those few acts of responsibility enough to prove himself after messing up for so many years? If I signed on the bond, and he doesn't follow through with the court dates, I would be responsible for $5000. What was I thinking? No way, I couldn't do it. I made the decision, it is final. So he spent the night in jail. Another arraignment on the same charge, a new bond, and he was released this morning.

I know I made the right decision. We have been burned so many times. One day it looks like he is really trying to change and then he stays out all weekend smoking up every penny he has. So it appears he is doing well for a few weeks. That's a start, but far from being cured. I love my brother. His addictions have brought him to a point in his life where he has nothing to lose. Tough love, they say, I've said it myself. I guess it IS harder than it sounds.