I've written before about my oldest step-daughter and trying to get her to take on more of her own responsibilities. YEAH.... Still working on that...
She is 19 years, 3 months, 13 days and again is UNEMPLOYED. Several months ago she had started a new job. My husband and I had a talk with her and gave a deadline of "the end of July" to start paying her own bills. She stays rent free at her uncle's house, so her bills would include: car payment, car insurance, & cell phone totaling approximately $500 a month. We agreed to let her send the car payment to us each month so we could see she was reliable. We would give her a few months and then promised to help her get the car re-financed in her name so she could begin building her OWN credit. She had plenty of warning to begin paying her own way. Now, conveniently as of July 7th she has no job again. It appears to me, she did not take us seriously.
So what are the answers? The beginning of July, I tried to get my husband to agree on some consequences if she did not following our "deal". I mean, how do we get her to make the transition? How do we get her to take life seriously? I know she has to have a car to go to work, but sometimes I want to go pick it up for a few days and maybe she would realize that is exactly what would happen if the car was in her name and she didn't make the payments! The car was originally purchased for her to go to college, she has been out of high school for a year now, flunked out of the 1st semester and now has no desire to go back. My thinking is if you are not going to school, then it is time to accept some responsibility of your own!
Her mother continues to enable her and make excuses, she just tells us she will continue making the payments. I think if we all continue to pay her way, she will NEVER wake up and smell the coffee! That is why she hasn't done it yet. She doesn't NEED TO!
Does anyone have any suggestions? I usually speak my mind pretty boldly, I try to be flexible, but we have been fighting this battle for a while now with no end in site.
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4 comments:
I don't have any suggestions, but I can see myself in the same boat about 2 years from now. My stepson is going to get a very rude awakening.
Ugh, bailing someone out of their own irresponsibility and mistakes only creates an immature person. (I know someone very well right now who is pushing 40 and still babied by her father, and she is a despicable human being.) What result does her mother hope to get by paying her bills for her?
If only we were the only one who had a say in this! We would have more control in teaching the daughter how to be a responsible adult. I have no idea why the ex thinks she is doing herself or the daughter any favors! Maybe she does it out of guilt for all her other shortcomings.
Guilt for shortcomings is a very likely reason for a lot of people spoiling kids and not making them take responsibility.
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