CATCH-22

I am quoting a portion of an entry from A Stepmom's Say
"It really is a Catch-22 when it comes to being a good Stepmom. If you are bad at it, every little thing you do is criticized and used as a weapon against your husband. If you do your best to take care of your stepchildren, and even grow to love them, you risk igniting a hidden insecurity within the biological mother over the kind of mother that she is."

Wow, I couldn't have said it better myself. This is my second time as a step-mom and I can truly say I was not good at it the first time! I was too young and had no idea how to be a wife, much less a parent. A ready-made family at age 20 is enough to make anyone go insane! (Not to mention the in-laws) Anyhow, after 3 years of therapy and now going on 13 years of anti-depressants, I learned to deal with the five years of marriage to my first husband.

I have been married to my current hubby for 8 years now and I couldn't be happier! When we were dating, I remember saying all the time, "this is too good to be true". Well, it is still good and it is still true. I truly believe that I have given a whole-hearted attempt at being a good step-mom this time. The girls and I bonded early on and I really felt like we got along great. They were 9 & 11 when we got married. I guess it seems like no matter what I do, it is going to be wrong and I will still get my heart broken.

I find myself guarding my heart, in a sense, because if I get "too close" or try "too hard" to help them with something, I will get burned again. Repeating the pain over and over is NO FUN! Friends keep saying, they will realize what you have done for them when they are older. Well, that may be true, but it hurts NOW. So it is hard to imagine them being older and appreciating us.

As much as it hurts me, surely my husband is feeling it ten times as much. These are HIS children. I don't ever want to be the cause of them breaking his heart.