Step-Parenting is NOT FOR WIMPS!

Step-parenting is NOT for Wimps! Can I get an AMEN? If you have ever been a stepparent, GOD BLESS YOU! It is the most challenging thing I have ever set my sites on. I've done it twice in 2 totally different marriages with different circumstances. It is difficult no matter what.

Last night I received more very hurtful myspace messages from my oldest step-daughter. So many painful issues are coming out. I think I am figuring out why she has such bitterness towards me. In her mind, her relationship with her father changed when we got married. Basically, she thinks he was a great father until I came along.

So today, my husband's ex-wife and the daughter came to town. We debated on how to handle the situation. The ex-wife lives 100 miles away, so we had only an hour and a half to prepare for the "showdown". You see, in December, we were supposed to sit down and talk through some issues. She finally came to town, but she decided not to come to our house that day. So the hurt feelings and discontent from Thanksgiving through the end of the year have remained bottled up and today we were supposed to deal with them over an hour or so. Yeah, Right!

The ex-wife called and asked if we would all like to meet for lunch at a local restaurant. We weren't sure that would be the best setting if things went bad. My husband and I prayed about it and decided maybe things would not end up in a shouting match if we met in a public place. So we went. I guess things went as best as they could. The ex-wife actually did well and even took up for us and tried to point out how much we are trying to help her. I was shocked. That has not been her nature in the past. She even tried to encourage me when we were leaving and I was falling apart.

She is moving to Dallas on Friday to "start a new life". Of course, she is moving in with her biological father and his family that she met only a few months ago. She just came out of a crummy relationship with a younger "boy" and I just hope she isn't trying to run away from her problems with us and him. She said she feels like if she moves home with mom or comes to live with us, that means she is a "failure". She does blame me for all the changes in her father's involvement in her and her sister's lives. We brought up that there were other changes that happened at the same time that made it difficult for us to be AS INVOLVED as before. Within a year of us getting married, the kids and their mom moved 100 miles away. We continued to make as many of their school functions as possible, took them on trips during summer vacation and had them every other weekend as long as they would come. It is never enough.

I guess sometimes it seems no matter how hard I try or how much I love them all, I am always the easy one to blame for the things that go wrong. The wicked "step monster", you know. I guess if loving your father and you unconditionally; building a savings account and paying for college; trying to make every occasion a special occasion..... if all those things make me wicked, then I guess I AM! I wear the title proud.

I cried for more than an hour after we left and came home. It hurts so much. Then I think, if I am hurting this much, how badly is my husband's heart broken? I want to be strong for him. He says I am not to blame. I know it is not my fault. I truly believe I have learned from my mistakes during my first try as a step-mom. Of course, I make new mistakes, don't we all? I used to think as long as I did what is right, it doesn't affect me what people think of me. Boy, was I wrong?! It hurts to the core! I want her to love me again. I want us all to be able to get along. Time will tell...

WOW, WHAT A DAY!